3Ls Suffer Through Blackberry Withdrawal

For many summer associates it was what helped them get through the day. It was their organizer and their entertainment. And now, for Duke 3L Damien Jones and thousands like him, it’s been taken away.

According to Jones, at the beginning of the summer his law firm provided him and his classmates with Blackberries, mobile devices that among other things instantly deliver e-mail to their users. But as his stint as a summer law clerk ended, the firm that gaveth, tooketh away.

“I can barely eat, barely sleep since they took my Blackberry back,” said a clearly addled Jones as he sat in the corner of his barely lit apartment, covered in a blanket, sipping hot tea. “How I am supposed to function without being able to constantly access my e-mail from a device in my pocket? How?”

Jones reported that though nearly a month has passed since he gave up his Blackberry, his desire to have it back hasn’t dissipated.

“To this day, I have dreams that I am playing BrickBreaker, beating level 34 and getting a record high score,” said Jones. “Then I wake up and am crushed by the horrible reality that I only have a Motorola Razr.”

Making matters worse, Jones has gotten lost without having Blackberry’s map feature, has forgotten appointments due to the lack of electronic calendar and often misses movies, being unable to look up start times on the internet.

According to the 3L, he not only pines for the amazing features of the Blackberry but also for what it represents: “The Blackberry is more than just a bunch of awe-inspiring features. It was what delivered to me news of social outings. It told me of the gluttonous summer lunches coming up. It impressed all those women who thought I was an actual attorney.”

Unfortunately, Damien Jones is not alone. Law schools across the country are reporting significant increases in Blackberry withdrawal amongst their third year students. According to recently released statistics, 78% of tier I law students are exhibiting classic signs of withdrawal including anxiety, depression, nausea, and a constant checking of the pockets followed by deep melancholy.

Schools are responding to this problem with multi-faceted solutions. Berkeley School of Law has recently opened a clinic dedicated to treating the epidemic. The University of Virginia School of Law has hired additional psychological counselors to help students transition to Blackberry-free lifestyles. Jones’ own school Duke has given students limited access to Blackberries, slowing decreasing their exposure over time in an effort to lessen dependence. The University of North Carolina School of Law, however, has not taken any action considering that few of its students went to large law firms where the devices were given out.

Despite the crushing despair he currently feels, Jones believes the worst is behind him.

“Hopefully I’ll be able to take advantage of the various programs out there and start to get over my attachment to this machine,” said Jones. “Even if this doesn’t happen I am still comforted by the fact that I only have to wait one year until I get it back. Sure I’ll be working like a dog and have no life but at least daddy will have his precious Blackberry back.”