Lawyers Dream About What They’ll Do When Released from the Firm

Sitting in the attorney lounge during a brief break from their assignments, lawyers at Non, Stoppe & Billings in New York began fantasizing about what they’ll each do after they’re released from the firm. According to reports, the talk was so emotional that even the most hardened of the men sitting on the plush, leather B&B Italia couches could not hold back their tears.

“The first thing I’m gonna do when I get outta here is spend quality time with my kid,” said a forlorn Hugh Larson, a 3rd year tax associate. “Since Joey was born I’ve really only seen him on the occasional weekend or when my old lady brings him by the office for visitation.”

Reginald McMahan, a 2nd year in corporate, followed Larson stating that he too dreams about life on the outside and was anxious to return to “normal living.”

“What I miss the most is eating a nice home-cooked dinner with my girlfriend in our kitchen,” remarked McMahan. “The day I am done eating SeamlessWeb sushi at my desk is the day I am truly a free man.”

Others in the discussion expressed eager hopes of one day attending events that started before 8:00 p.m., sleeping without being woken by their Blackberries and never again interviewing snotty prospective summer associates.

Sources who participated in the break-time conversation report that after talking about what they’ll do upon obtaining freedom the men switched to the topic of what each attorney was "in for."

Tax associate Hugh Larson remembered the responses being varied: “A 1st year corporate associate said he was in for the debt repayment, a 3rd year in bankruptcy mentioned that he was locked up because he wanted to fulfill family expectations and a third associate said he gave up his freedom to make some connections in the financial world.”

Regardless of what got them put into Non Stoppe, a majority of the wistful lawyers in the attorney lounge agreed that they wanted to be released shortly. Most hoped only to serve three to five years before escaping firm life for an in-house position or a career totally unrelated to the practice of law.

Some though remain longer with a select few serving near life sentences. These wizened veterans of the firm generally agree that lawyering isn’t always wonderful but also point out that the alternative, life on the outside, isn’t something everyone can handle.

“I recall one partner who was at the firm for fifteen years,” recollected Terry "Red" Spring, a senior partner who had been in for as long as anyone could remember. “After more than a decade he decided to change course and work for a small non-profit that fought for undocumented immigrants. Unfortunately, the lack of rules and structure was too shocking and the poor bastard was found a few weeks later hanging lifeless from a makeshift noose in his apartment. People have to remember that freedom just isn’t for everyone.”