President Obama Declares War on Error

In his inauguration speech in front of an estimated crown of two million, President Barack Obama highlighted a number of key points ranging from America's racial progress to the need for sacrifice in the face of a severe economic downturn. In addition, Obama emphasized that he would personally oversee his administration's efforts to combat the omnipresent and extremely dangerous threat of error.

"My fellow Americans, we are indeed going through troubling times," remarked the new American president. "We are in the greatest economic crisis since the Great Depression and the Middle East is in turmoil. But perhaps the greatest and gravest threat against our country is that of mistakes, oversights, miscalculations and other forms of blundering."

Reiterating a point often made on the campaign trail, Obama underscored that under the Bush Administration the country was poorly defended from error.

"Unfortunately, President Bush did not adequately protect the American people from errorism during his tenure," claimed the current President. "The incompetency and miscues during Bush's eight years were tremendous and as your new president I will do all I can to reverse previous failures and combat this insidious threat."

Obama specifically pointed to the Iraq war and the countless mistakes he believes are associated with that endeavor.

"The costly and bloody war in Iraq clearly demonstrates that the previous administration's inability to guard this beloved country against the harmful nature of error," stated President Obama, pausing to allow the receptive crowd's applause. "From its mistaken belief that Saddam Hussein had weapons of mass destruction to the incorrect hypothesis that the Iraqi people would greet us as liberators, the Bush team demonstrated that it did not take the errorist threat seriously."

After the speech, Obama administration officials also pointed out that Bush unsuccessfully safeguarded the country from well known errorists, actually allowing some of the worst offenders to operate from within the administration.

"In addition to not protecting Americans from serious miscalculations, for example with sub-prime lending, Bush ardently defended prominent homegrown errorists who actually worked in many important areas of the government," said Rahm Emanuel, the White House Chief of Staff. "Jay Bybee, author of the terror memos; Alberto Gonzalez, the disgraced formed Attorney General; Dick Cheney, a vice president with an flawed view of presidential power. All of these men not only committed heinous acts of error but did so with Bush's blessing. Barack Obama will not let the American people down like that."

President Obama has propsed a number of specific proposals to counteract what he sees as Bush's deleterious mistakes.

"As President, I will do everything in my power to protect the American people from errorism," emphasized Obama towards the end of his inaugural address. "Not only do I plan to appoint an Error Czar but I will also form and generously fund the Bureaus of Non-Political Analysis, Proper Fact Gathering, Constitutional Adherence and Double Checking."

Critics of the new president's plan claim that War on Error is so broadly defined that it will necessarily result in years of expensive and ineffective government action.

"I agree that error must be dealt with but the bigger danger is that the president, by declaring war against such an amorphous concept, has created a indefinite, costly and likely unproductive commitment," remarked Mitch McConnell, R-KY and the House Minority Leader. "I worry that President Obama will use this conflict to justify a host of initiatives that will grow the size of government, impinge on our liberties and, in the end, do little to actually lessen errorism."

Obama's Chief of Staff responded, saying that McConnell can't be trusted, especially considering his background.

"McConnell and critics like him are complete hypocrites in that they are errorist sympathizers if not errorists themselves," said a defiant Emmanuel. "These people have been wrong so many times on so many issues that I am hard pressed to think of more radical proponents of error."

Obama concurred, adding: "On the errorism issue it's simple; either you're with us or against us. There are no shades of gray. There will be no hesitation in our response. Therefore, to those who are tempted to commit acts of error we say: bring em' on."