Gunner's Paradise

Since this is my last issue I thought it fitting to to give y'all something different. Enjoy this law school parody of Coolio's Gangsta's Paradise, of course modeled after Weird Al's Amish Paradise. If you need the context, click here for the Amish Paradise video.

As I walk through the green zone where I park my car
I look towards the law school and realize it's very far
But that's just perfect for a gunner like me
Gives me plenty of time to ponder legal theory
Early in the morning I'm briefing cases
Making notations in pen that never erases ... fool
See, I've been briefing and highlighting for so long
That nothing I do can be considered wrong
I'm a man of the law, I'm into precedent
Got so many dazzling ideas people think I'm heaven sent
Ergo, don't try to challenge me, that's an idea you should abort
Cause, I'll see you when I'm clerking for the Supreme Court!

I've been spending most my life
Living in a Gunner's paradise
Your attempt at answering won't suffice
Living in a Gunner's paradise
Nothing I say is remotely concise
Living in a Gunner's paradise
After raising my hand all class I need some ice
Living in a Gunner's paradise

A classmate made me the butt of a joke last week
He said, "How often is that asshole gonna speak?"
But I just ignored him, I didn't even sob
Cause I'll be laughing my head off when he doesn't get a job
I sit in the front row so I can be conspicuous
A gunner with modesty?
You know that's ridiculous
I love to get the prof to look in my direction
And I must admit
The Law Journal gives me an erection ... fool
Sure, I'll point out your argument's fatal flaw
Go ahead and send that to Above the Law
Even if you say I'm wrong, my confidence won't be shaken
Because, of course, it's you who's mistaken

I've got no qualms, no doubts, no inhibitions
Not an iota of humility
Like Justice Cardozo
I am as erudite as can be

I've been spending most my life
Living in a Gunner's paradise
I take brilliance to new heights
Living in a Gunner's paradise
I've conceded a point only once or twice
Living in a Gunner's paradise
Want my knowledge, I'll break off a slice
Living in a Gunner's paradise

Pesterin the professor, takin all the row space
Asked a girl out monday, got slapped in the face
Think you're quite intelligent?
Think you're really smart?
Well I'm a million times as incisive as thou art
I'm the brainy guy all my section wants to emulate
Always waving my hand, my questions can never wait
So don't ignore me, you ain't got the nerve
Because,my brother, I will be the one setting the motherfuckin curve

I've been spending most my life
Living in a Gunner's paradise
I'm omniscient like Jesus Christ
Living in an Gunner's paradise
Civ Pro fills my dreams at night
Living in Gunner's paradise
Having some friends sure would be nice
Living in a Gunner's paradise