Lame Duck 3L Trying to Solidify His Legacy

With only a few weeks until graduation, many third year students are asking themselves how they'll be remembered by their law school peers. Duke Law School 3L Tim Sasario is not leaving that memory to chance and, as a result, is actively trying to shape his legacy.

"I was pretty productive during my time here at Duke - I was a member of the Moot Court Board, got decent grades and won the bowling league one semester - but I wonder if that's enough," pondered Sasario. "I want current classmates and future students to say, 'Sure I know of Tim Sasario. He was one hell of a law student.'"

As part of the lame duck 3L's effort to influence how people remember him, Sasario has attempted to repair certain negative aspects of his reputation. Like many men concerned about legacy, he has tried to reach a rapprochement with various enemies.

"Yeah I have pissed off a lot of girls here at Duke, particularly ex-girlfriends I dumped and one night stands who thought they were going to get a serious relationship," admitted Sasario, who then proceeded to list about a half dozen female law students who would want nothing more than to slowly crush his gonads. "Though it will be difficult, I believe I can reach peace accords with these currently hostile foes, finally ending many months if not years of intense conflict."

In addition to mollifying the women whom he has angered, Sasario plans to reach out to heretofore ignored segments of the Duke Law community.

"Unfortunately I have not done enough during law school to reach out to our foreign students," stated the Duke 3L. "These LLMs are important members of our global community and I promise to engage each one in meaningful dialogue. Just because these students have accents and crazy sounding names is no reason why they should be disregarded."

Sasario has also attempted to change perceptions that he is a "total slacker." According to the 3L he is going to "study [his] ass off for finals," which will consist of going the library, reading his notes, creating numerous outline and "buying those study aides that I see all those gunner nerds using."

Besides fixing his bad reputation, Sasario plans to emphasize during these final few weeks the positive things people remember about him.

"Everyone knows I am quite the partier, like that one time I got so drunk I literally rode [Duke Law School 3L] Sandra [Dasani] thinking she was the Shooters mechanical bull," claimed Sasario. "Well, I am going to reinforce that legacy by going fucking nuts once I am done with exams. If I wake up on that Saturday morning and remember anything about that previous night I will label the whole thing a failure."

The Duke 3L also sees donating money to the school as a guaranteed way to solidify his standing.

"Do I really give two shits about the law school? No. But do I want people to think I give two shits about the law school? Yes." stated Sasario. "That's why I gave to the class gift fund. However, since people don't know how much one donates, I ended up contributing only $10. You're not going to print this, right?"

Donna Jarvison, a widely-published historian and expert in presidential legacies, doubts whether Sasario's efforts will have any effect.

"Lame duck Presidents have often tried to create long-lasting legacies through last-ditch efforts at peace in the Middle East or a broad humanitarian gesture," averred Jarvison. "As history shows us, however, a world leader will be remembered for everything he does not just those actions toward the end of his career. Therefore, I think that if Sasario was a barely known, alcoholic douche for most of his law school tenure that is how he'll be remembered."

When asked whether Jarvison's analysis was correct, fellow Duke 3L Sam Hall responded: "Who the hell is Tim Sasario?"