Students Sentenced to Two Years of Journal Work

As punishment for wanting to work a firm after graduation, numerous first year Duke Law students were sentenced today to two years of journal work. The bad news was delivered by rising 3Ls who are members of the various journals' executive boards.

"It's never easy telling a jubilant law student who has recently finished his or her first year that starting in year two they will begin serving their journal sentence," remarked Paul Trent, an Editor-in-Chief for one of Duke University School of Law's topical journals. "But we try to sugar coat things by telling the incoming prisoners that they'll learn a lot and actually enjoy the experience. If they only knew the truth."

In order to enhance their resume and boost chances of landing a firm job, Duke 1Ls compete in a casenote competition where students write a 15 page sample article after completing their 3 spring semester finals. Based on the quality of this submission and applicant's grades, journals then choose which students to lock down for two years.

According to those who have gone through the system, journal editors are imprisoned within a world of grammar checking, impossible deadlines, and intractable authors. They are made to suffer through hours of solitary confinement with only their computer and bluebook as companions. The mind numbing tasks and lack of human contact, say sources, even cause certain students to go insane.

For one rising second year inmate, the experience is worse than anything he could have imagined.

"I can't think of anything more cruel or unusual than editing 120 footnotes worth of material in only a few days," claimed Georgia Brunk, a Duke 2L. "Not to mention the awful paper cuts I get from thumbing through the printed out versions. I can't imagine forced sodomy is much worse."

Other 2Ls added that despite certain perceptions, one cannot less his or her punishment no matter what.

"I think that certain 1Ls believe that if they serve a year then they're basically are done with their imprisonment," mentioned Dan Lagunes, a wizened veteran of Duke's journal system. "Nothing could be further from the truth. Even if you decide not to run for the exec board you still have to edit tons of articles in your third year. There is no reduced sentence for good behavior or high quality work."

Lagunes added that pleas for leniency do no good in a place as harsh as the journal world.

"I have seen students beg the editors for mercy, asking for an extended deadline or a reduced editing load," added Lagunes. "Usually these journal wardens just laugh in your face and end up giving you the worst assignments. I've learned that it's best just to keep your head down and not cause any trouble."

Perhaps more surprising than the ruthlessness of the incarceration is the fact that certain people actually enjoy it.

"As hard as it is to believe, there are people who actually thrive doing journal work," related Brunk, explaining that she wasn't "spouting bullshit." "There are certain masochists who really enjoy the pain of never sleeping, never going out and never leaving the journal office. Only in law school. Only in law school."